Stress fantasies. That’s what I call them. Those impulsive thoughts that come into your head when you are on the end of the stress curve that is no longer stimulating or motivating, but rather throwing you into the spin of subconscious “get me the hell out of here” thinking. These fantasies often show up for my clients as statements like, “I think I want to quit my job and be a Wal-Mart greeter,” or “I just want to be able to enjoy the feeling of making rows on my carpet with a vacuum cleaner,” or “maybe it is time for me to leave my role and begin living a simple life where I can spend my days growing my own garden of vegetables. And that’s it.”

I then get to dive into interesting exploration conversations related to clients’ ongoing needs for ambitious ventures and forays into adventurous frontiers that they are intrinsically driven toward in order to fulfill their desires to have an impact on people and the planet. We talk about how these fantasies are serving them today, and could likely be a wonderful retreat…for awhile. We also surface the brain’s tendency to abruptly head to the opposite end of that stress curve where boredom and lack of fulfillment rule, leaving one feeling lost and unworthy. Balancing human needs for continuous development and self mastery against basic health and wellness are indeed a struggle and some of the work we do in our coaching engagements.

I’m not immune to stress fantasies of my own. Having purchased a risky property investment in the hurricane torn Caribbean country of Dominica almost two years ago, I often found myself dreaming of the simple life there. Every day stressors related to supporting others, building a successful business, and raising three little women with my husband RJ became a bit more than I’d like to bear. To cope, lovely thoughts were often found wafting through my head related to living ocean-side while raising free-range chickens and gardening the volcanic rain forest soil of our half-acre land bordering the Atlantic.

I could simply close my eyes and feel the trade winds gently blowing salty hair from my face while standing on our veranda, looking out over the turquoise water.

Veranda views from one of my favorite spots on the planet

There was a serene calmness in these explorations of possibilities that led me to wonder and mentally wander often. We took our kids there for a month last June and were able to taste a teaser of that life while working remotely. It was pure heaven. Although there were no vegetable gardens being sown or nurtured, nor baby chickens running around in our fenced in yard, there was nothing less than a peace and contentment in living that I rarely experience here in the US. No rushing is warranted there. Nor is any rushing tolerated there as locals function on “island time.” This is a definite adjustment, yet a welcome respite once one adapts and realizes the gift of time and space to just BE.

After spending our days making meals from locally grown ingredients and eating leisurely on our simple veranda, hiking to waterfalls around the countryside while purchasing road-side fruit, veggies and eggs from Dominican families, and enjoying picturesque drives on an adventure-inducing one lane road, I often found myself wondering why any of us would choose to live any other way. Why do we need so much complexity and stimulus in our normal world, when it results in so much wear and tear? Why, when the alternative is so peaceful?

Towards the end of my last week there, I knew. I always knew, of course, as I help others identify how to help themselves out of that awful feeling of boredom and lack of growth when their current roles are resulting in their runway coming to an end. I know daily life in Dominica, sweet as it is, results in very little of the complexity that my brain craves. There are indeed a lot of challenges there in learning how to navigate a different country and ecosystem, but there are also solutions available to each of those challenges. One just has to identify the right person to seek out for help. People there are extremely friendly and helpful; we are blessed by many amazing relationships there built on mutual giving of help, kindness and resources. However, the peace I enjoy while visiting our little Eden will continue to provide me with sustainable happiness ONLY when I need to decompress. Once I am rested, I am ready to run again. FAST. I can envision living there from January through April when our kids are all off to college in six years. That’s the most I see that lifestyle being enjoyable until I am much older. In an effort to force the love of full-time island life, I mentally fought my need for intellectual risks and creating value for others; but those are my intrinsic motivators. I don’t have a need to make those go away so I can pretend to be something I am not. It is what it is.

However, I was able to enjoy my stress fantasy on a smaller scale in living a simpler life here in Colorado while we have been housebound this Spring. I was not able to fly to other countries in March or April as planned, so could tend to a large window garden where I got to plant veggies and flowers from seed. I underestimated how much simple joy I would get from watching these seeds grow and helping them flourish. This turned into my interest in “prettying up” several perennial garden beds I inherited with the purchase of our home five years ago. After neglecting the beds for several years, I am now realizing the simple pleasures of prioritizing time and energy to working my own land here in Highlands Ranch. Funny. Sometimes we can experience a bit of our stress fantasies in the here and now.

I’ve since had several conversations with clients about similar feelings of peace and joy from living a simpler existence during this pandemic, including many of my physician clients who are working just as hard as ever. People everywhere are discussing the benefits we’ve been gifted during this rare time being at home. Some are relishing how little rushed they feel after work due to no kids’ sports, other activities and social engagements. Others are noticing how little things in the day like eating dinner together results in open conversations previously missed. Many are now stopping to use appreciative inquiry in this space of scary loss to ensure they also see what went well. Then we are talking about how to prioritize sustaining those gains moving forward.

My intent was to help anyone else reading this to do the same.

How are you using appreciative inquiry to notice the good? What conversations are you having with family members to better understand what benefits they have enjoyed? When are you planning to intentionally prioritize limiting activities that aren’t giving you what you need and committing to continuing the activities that have brought you joy?

Before the world is opened back up again, invest a little time to craft your own way forward right now, right in the comfort of your every day life. At home.

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Simplicity and the New Life We are Crafting from Here - What are You Doing to Capture the Good?